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Jealousy
Jealousy in romance is like salt in food. A little can enhance the savor, but too much can spoil the pleasure and, under certain circumstances, can be life-threatening. ~Maya Angelou
What is Jealousy? Jealousy is an emotion that stems from a real or imagined fear that you are not good enough, that you will be abandoned, that you are no longer loved or worthy of that love. It can produce mild to extremely strong feelings of envy, revenge, and if not checked can drive someone to violence.
There are 3 differen types of jealousy.
Sweet Jealousy- this jealousy pops up when your partner tells you she is going with her friends to a male strip joint. Even though your rational mind knows that she is out with her friends, you keep thinking about " the stripper". He does after all, make his living looking as attractive as he can for women. There’s a momentary twinge that she will find the person more attractive then you but you give yourself a quick kick in the butt. You remind yourself, she is out for a night of giggles and fantasy. If this guy gets her hot, all the better. You will be there at the end to reap the rewards..
Honest Jealousy-if you are honest, then everyone feels jealousy at some time in their life. Even those who profess to not being jealous. This is natural and normal. Look,chances are if you find your girlfriend attractive, so do a zillion other guys. That’s normal, Again, look at who she chose out of the bunch. Right,she chose YOU!! She doesn’t want the other guys, so put the green man act away and love her for those qualities. Chances are, that flirty smile, cute butt, was what attracted you in the first place too. When it comes to jealousy..A little goes a long way!!
Obsessive Jealousy- this is where things get dicey. This is where you cross the line from desire to destruction. Violence, anger and rage become your companions and your tolerance level goes way down. You begin to imagine scenarios in your head that aren’t real and you constantly question her loyalty. Your controlling behaviour send her scrambling and the more she wants to leave you the more you believe she is cheating on you and has something to hide. You want to hurt her, physically or emotionally and you can’t stop feeling this way.
If this feels familiar then go and get some help. First ask yourself where these feelings of insecurity are coming from? Did you cheat in a past relationship and now are worries someone is doing it to you?
Let’s go back to the beginning again. Jealousy is about YOU, not her. It’s your feelings of insecurity and fear of not being good enough that are causing this problem to arise. Your Self Esteem confidence have been undermined and you need to get it back on track.
If you need professional help or just want someone to talk to, you are certainly welcome to contact me, Coach Frankie Picasso.
Feelings of jealousy will only destroy your relationship in the end. Why not focus on what is really happening.
Ask your friends or a third party to notice how she acts when you two are out together. Does she flirt harmlessly with others or is she pushing your jealousy buttons on purpose. If this is the case, say goodbye immediately. Anyone who pushes your buttons because they can, has problems of their own.
Good Relationships begin with Good Communication. Speak about your feelings. Talk to your partner about how they feel and tell them how you feel. Sometimes ones feelings of insecurity come out because your partner is acting differently. Maybe they used to call you 10 times a day and now they only call once. Maybe they used to constantly touch you when you were walking down the street and now you walk apart. These may be clues to something and they may be nothing. That is why you MUST make time to know who you are with.
What are their thoughts about loyalty, integrity, fidelity in a relationship? If they are on the same page as you then you probably have nothing to worry about. If they don’t think that they just want to date one person, then perhaps you need to reevaluate who you are with and what you want out of the relationship.
Remember that trust is the foundation of any relationship, and you shouldn’t let your insecurities destroy yours. Remind yourself why you are such a great guy, a great catch and why anyone would be glad to have you.
If that proves to be too difficult, then go visit your Momma. I bet she can tell you why you are so wonderful!!!
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